23 October 2009

Looking Forward

Thank you, thank you to everyone for your condolences regarding Raisin.
I really don't know what else to say except that it meant so much.

I feel as if the whole month of October has been one bit of drama after another.
You must be so tired of my depressing posts.

Now that this last week of the month is nearly upon us,
and this last unpleasant circumstance is finding its way behind me,
the new computer up and running,
the backlash from my letter nearly run its course,
I'm feeling very much like looking forward.

As for Raisin . . .
Is it terrible, as much as I will miss him, to feel some relief?
I wanted him to make it, but it's draining to see something you love feel so terribly.

I confess to being in a bit of an emotional knot for the past several weeks.
Maybe now all those cramped up parts of me will start to unwind.

I very much want to find my smile.
I lost it somewhere in the drama, but
I think it's somewhere on the horizon.
Past the pettiness and the financial stress and the everyday pains that life can bring.

I would not normally consider myself an unhappy person,
nor an overly serious one.
I just haven't felt like myself this month.

I think that maybe I just need to breathe.
Be grateful for all I do have,
hold my son tight and watch a silly movie.
Post some new pieces.
Catch up on reading.
And let go.
Things really are not that bad;
do you ever let the weight of the little things add up
to almost beyond what you think you can carry?
That's what I've done.
No need.
Time to shake it off and step forward.

A new me . . . well, the old me,
will emerge with the birth of November.

I promise it will be a month of far less sadness
and far more silver.

* * * * *

As promised,
in the Etsy Shop Today:


  1. ...look back with blessings...look ahead with wonder...lessons learned & adventures to discover...

  2. Thanks Nancy...we all need to remember and to be kind...
    Have a relaxing and peaceful weekend RR...

  3. Oh my...sorry for your loss.

    I think we all get like this from time to time - bogged down in the sticky and icky parts of life. I try to remember to take it one day at a time and live in the moment but sometimes it is easier said than done.

    Sounds like you are already headed in the right direction to get 'un-bogged'. Children and silly movies can do wonders, today my son and I watched Home Alone 2. Silly, funny, odd, with a touch of sweetness. Find your silly, funny, odd, sweet place and enjoy.



  4. I've had such a full day that I only now checked your blog to hear the sad news.......I'm so sorry Jess :( I know that you tried everything possible and that you hoped for the best..........It reminds me of when my two oldest dogs died. The first was four years ago and I thought that my heart would never heal again. My second died a year ago this month after a long battle with liver disease. She died when I left the house..........I loved them both dearly and intensely.........For me one of the hardest realizations was that a chapter had closed in my life. I had both of my dogs before I had children, before I finished my Ph.D., and before I entered my career. They were an integral part of my life and my sanity for such a long time. We now have three dogs, not as replacements, but reminders that in spite of the inevitable, the joy that I experience with my little "fur people" is worth the sadness of loss.

    I'm sending all my warmth to you now...........

  5. Maybe you need a re-birth celebration! A glass of bubbly champagne, a toast to you, & perhaps some snuggles from your lovely family will cheer you right up :)

  6. listen here lovely lady, sadness is a part of life....part of growth...part of our experience here. Why do we feel bad for that?
    Sadness comes from love....sadness is a heart broken, a heart that loves.
    Please don't feel bad and know you have not been depressing or a downer.
    There is a season for EVERYTHING!
    Much love to you this weekend...this too shall pass...
    *hugs* from Canada

  7. Hugs from the wild wild West!! It's hard to pull out of a slump, be humble and grateful all at the same time and on top. We all have been there. Just press forward and know you have dedicated readers here who are a whole other community of support! Part of the big reason I started my own blog 7 years ago now! You are so talented and have a lot going for you! This too shall pass and truly you can get through whatever it is that is hard on you right now. I say go take a long hot bubble bath and eat a ton of chocolate!! One of my most favorite remedies!


  8. So sorry to hear about little raisin. But alas, things move forward and there are new beginnings, like you said, even though it may be hard. Wishing you all the best and am sending over positive thoughts! :)

  9. So sorry to hear about Raisin :( And I just read the letter for the first time today (very well written).

    Sorry to hear that you've had such a tough month. Sometimes we need to go to places of deep darkness so that we can appreciate the light even more. Hoping November will be better for you.

  10. Sorry to hear about Raisin. There's this Chinese proverb: "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials." I know you'll come out shiny and new this November!

  11. Hi, Jess...I had to comment on this post, even though it's several weeks later. I'm so sorry about losing Raisin. I started following you when Raisin was choosing your last giveaway winner. (So cute!) I lost my first pet back in January and it was heart-wrenching for me. It's been taking time to heal. My other dog helps. But Bijou will always have his own spot in my heart and I still miss him. I also appreciated the honesty in this post and the way you grew from the adversity and learned and developed your style. I had to say...is that I LOVE the earrings in this post. Please keep making them. They are unique and gorgeous and show so much ingenuity. Looking forward to more from you!