18 December 2009

Can't Sleep for Thinking

It's nearly twenty to 5am here.
I just came in from the studio.

Are you out there?
Are you awake?

Sometimes I get a burst of creative energy . . .
always at night it would seem.
And it's like a slideshow in my head.
Pictures of things I want to make,
dishes I want to cook,
past projects and what I would have done differently.

Sometimes my best ideas live in the space between sleep and awake,
in that hazy middle ground where thoughts are neither dreams nor sensible.
I hear this is a common affliction among creatives.

I laid there restless for an hour.
Then I got up and went out to the studio.
Stopping in first to check in on the baby.
He's always in my slideshows.
Clips of his laughter, his chatter, his wonder at everything.

He's sleeping soundly.
Every now and then he'll cry out in a dream,
something about Nani or Poppie or Spongebob or juice or airplanes or trucks or cookies.

I guess he has slideshows too.

It's a wonderful feeling,
working at something you love.
Coming into a warm space,
even small as it might be,
cramped and cluttered with toys and tokens of a life you're building . . .
And to fall asleep under the same roof as those you love most in this world.
To know you'll have coffee with a dear friend in a few hours,
To know how far you've come from such stupid false starts.
To be content.
And love your life so much somedays that you cannot put the day down even when it's over.

Guess I'm a bit sentimental tonight.
Off to bed now.
I'll write again later today . . .

Hugs to you all,


  1. I kind of work on an opposite schedule. I collapsed at probably 9:30 last night, but got up at 2:56am to start working... Good ideas come when the world is quiet I think.

  2. lovely post, it made me smile. your boy is precious. and yes, i get into those hazy stages when your mind just cant stop thinking.

  3. What a dreamy post. Must have been from all the sleepiness still lingering in your head.


  4. You write so beautifully, Jess... really you do! I love to read your posts, so candid, so forthcoming, so real...so you! You are fortunate to be in this thankful place at that hour. Unfortunately, depriving myself of sleep turns me into a depressed, over-sensitive 'monster'!!
    i need 7.5 to 8 hours, but my best hours are 5:30 to 7:00 a.m. when i am dreamy and creative too! there's something about those transitional hours and creativity....
    much love to you and your little boy full of wonder and the man you love,


  5. I have been known to toss and turn with designs spinning around in my head knowing I have to get up in a few short hours to work for the hospital. You give me hope that maybe someday I will be able to support my family doing those things I love. You took a chance, you and your husband work incredibly hard, and the things you do are amazing. I love being along for the ride. Have a good one.

  6. well said...now go get some sleep or best wake up and have that wonderful coffee : )

  7. This made me cry in the best way: I understand the love of life thing so much. So much :)

  8. I am feeling you on this one....
    I get up in the night to write...I love to do it when all the boys are asleep but they are there with me...I need their energy in the house...it gives me courage....it gives me peace....it gives me purpose to keep going...even if I am not sure. Because I know that they are there with me, for me, in me. When they are awake the energy in the house does not lend to good writing...too much active testosterone!!! lol
    I love to look at them when they sleep....it is inspiring...I love them so.
    thanks for getting me to think about this...have a great weekend friend
    hugs back to you
    ps wearing my ring with much pride!