18 April 2012

How NOT to Make a Smoothie

In all honesty, I knew this one was going to be bad
before I even tried it.

I figured the healthiness of it would be worth the taste.
And I suppose it wasn't the worst thing I've ever tried,
but it sure made me miss yesterday's rendition.

Don't try this at home, folks.
I'm giving you fair warning.

Day II Experimental Smoothie:

4 cups spinach (bad enough as it is)
1/2 english cucumber
1 granny smith apple
1 frozen banana
1 small bunch broccoli florets
**(THIS is where things went terribly wrong)**
1 cup vanilla soy milk
1 tsp. agave nectar

It was gorgeous.
So green, I was waiting for some sanctified unfurling
vine to emerge from the froth and wrap winding tendrils
around my body. But it didn't happen.

We stared each other down for awhile.

You'll notice there is no photograph of me drinking this.
The reason being,
I didn't want to spit or otherwise retch all over
the camera lens. Because pretty as this green was,
that wouldn't have been.

And I needed all my attention focused on getting it down.
(I will say, however, that I felt great all day today.)

OH, and . . . there are leftovers.
So I froze them, and will re-blend them tomorrow
for Experimental Smoothie III.
With what, I don't know.
A pear?
A kiwi?

Bad, bad broccoli.


  1. So that cost you $4 to $6 to make and you hated it.

  2. I will put a lot of green things in my smoothies, but broccoli is not one of them!

    This is my 'go to' smoothie recipe. You can change the amounts of things as needed, I just eyeball it:

    frozen fruit (I usually do strawberries or mixed berries or some kind of frozen berry. Any kind of frozen fruit will do, though)
    1/2 - 1 banana
    1/2 cup low fat or fat free greek yogurt
    a little squeeze of honey
    and then I fill the blender to the brim with as much spinach (kale works too!) as you can.

    I like the idea of adding cucumber...I got on a cucumber water kick last summer and it made me want to drink water all the time because it was so refreshing!

    I also commend you for trying different kinds of smoothies...I definitely get stuck in a "this tastes good so why mess with it" rut.

  3. JJ,
    It's the broccoli that is the culprit here. Check out the Green Revolution by Victoria Boutenko. It's very informative. I've been drinking these for 4 months now and they do make you feel amazing! Each one I make has basil and lime cubes to add to the zesty flavor. I do crave them now!

  4. Teeheee! Too hilarious!!!

    This is what I drink every morning:

    20 raw,unblanched almonds (sprout them by soaking overnight in a glass of water)
    1 c. water
    1/2 freshly squeezed lemon
    1 tsp. flax seed oil (organic, cold pressed)
    1/2 or full banana
    large handful of sunflower sprouts

    1. Discard water you've soaked your almonds in. Rinse in clear water. Remove skins from almonds- if you prefer.
    2. Blend almonds well in water only.
    3. Add all other ingredients and blend well.

    Sprouting nuts and seeds boosts their nutrient content.
    I personally use 1/4 to 1/2 banana at most. If you prefer a sweeter smoothie use a full banana.
    Might seem like a lot of work- but I buy my raw almonds and sunflower sprouts in bulk every Saturday so I've got everything on hand for the whole week.
    I throw the almonds in a glass of water before I go to bed.

    I agree... no broccoli !!!

    The other green drink I make in a juice extractor:

    green apple
    green pepper

    It's delicious!!!!
    Good luck Jess!

  5. 1. I totally do the broccoli. It's when I add too much cabbage that things get rough around here...
    2. Come over, I'll use my juicer and make you something special. Reeeeeeeeeeal special. We'll cheers our mason jars, drain them, fill them with whiskey and cheers again.
    3. I've also thrown that shiz away. Sometimes it just can't be improved.
    4. This is my favorite smoothie-smoothie: 1 cup almond milk, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1 cup frozen mango or mixed berries, then as many dark leafy greens as you can cram (and yes, I do broccoli here too, but you don't have to). Blend, add agave if needed for taste. SO FREAKING GOOD!

  6. did I miss the post explaining why you are doing this???? - lol

  7. In regards to sir broccoli....when I do it, ( and in the juicer, not blending) ONLY do the stems....it still gives that brocclish taste but it is sort of more of a whiff and less something that is impossible to chug! :) keep it up, you will find your perfect green companion!

  8. Unless I was blindfolded and couldn't see what I was drinking, I try to stay away from green stuff in the smoothies. Broccoli is for dipping in Ranch Dressing--hee hee.

    I like a smoothie with 1/2 banana, frozen or fresh strawberries, greek yogurt, and a bit of honey (though I'm itching to try the nectar). And I need to try adding some fiber too, but our grocery is very tiny and doesn't have a lot of things like flax seed etc.

  9. Haha. I'll keep the no broccoli thing in mind. I tried mixed berries, banana, spinach and soymilk this morning. It was quite yummy. I have found that I need a better blender, though.

  10. Who knew I'd get such great feedback on smoothies? Thank you all for the advice, input, humor, etc.

    I may need to (one day) invest in a juicer. While I've not noticed any chunks in my smoothies, I met get a better consistency from some of what I'm trying to blend.

    Onward! :)

  11. I have never used a juicer, but I highly recommend the vitamix. I thought the price was absurd until I got one as a gift. Now, if I had to I would pay twice as much. I also think I use it more regularly in part because it is so easy to clean - I can make my morning green smoothie *and*clean the vitamix in less than three minutes.

    I have yet to encounter anything it can't purée (even berry seeds seem less gritty.)

    Aaandd.....it makes frozen fruit into "ice cream" (if you had told me a year ago that I would give up Ben and Jerry's for frozen fruit blended with almond milk and stevia, I would have laughed....)

  12. Totally agree about the Vitamix...amazing machine AND, and, made in the USA!

  13. I have a vintage Vitamix (all stainless steel!) and it's spectacular. My big suggestion for your smoothies is to throw in a can of pineapple chunks...I've found I can salvage almost any green smoothie with that (although I've never taken on broccoli before!). With pineapple as an ingredient I can include a full bag of spinach/kale/collard or beet greens without tasting it.

  14. Here's an article from Victoria Boutenko regarding food combining, Jess:


  15. perhaps kale instead of bad broccoli?