26 January 2013

Small Stones- Day Twenty Six

I had a brief thought tonight that 
truth is always good.
That honesty is a virtue,
but sometimes silence is best.
I'm still learning to hold certain things in.
I'm still learning to bite my tongue.

I stumbled upon this a few moments later...

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love.  It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not.  It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.  They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now.  Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.

- Osho

Some nights, I'm not so sure.
And others...

I believe in the nudge of unseen hands.


  1. Replies
    1. Yes. Now. Go check your email and your calendar and let's lock eyeballs.

  2. It is absolutely true. I learned this at a very young age, and it was a most painful process. But it's sustained me, and freed me, ever since.

    1. How does an adult learn this?

    2. I'm sorry - I'm speaking from the age of 45 and looking back at something that happened in my early twenties. I was an adult...but it feels like a very "young age" to me now.

      I wish I could give you a guidebook...but my guess is that it's different for everyone. I'd gone through a particularly tough break-up of a long-term relationship, and I had no one to turn to. My family is emotionally devoid, and I had not yet learned to make (or keep) good friends. And I was afraid that if I didn't learn to...manage myself, so to speak, that I'd never really be able to be happy with anyone else.

      So I didn't look for another relationship. I drifted away from a lot of the people I knew at the time. I spent my time by myself. Days were okay (I wasn't working for myself then, and work and coworkers were a distraction), but every night felt like a year. It was agonizing. I have reams of poetry from this experience. I wrote like crazy (I wasn't making jewelry then either) because I didn't know what else to do with myself. I thought I'd always be angry, sad, and lonely.

      But eventually I got comfortable with myself. I became totally independent and didn't feel the need to feel like I "needed" anyone for anything. No relying on boyfriends...or anyone else who might offer. I knew that if I never found anyone to share my life with, I'd be okay. Lonely at times, but okay. I learned to like myself better, to accept the parts of myself that I am unable to conquer, and to work hard as hell on the parts that I could (and wanted to) improve.

      And the great thing is that once you reach that point with yourself, you are always that way. It allows you to shrug off more things, and means that you don't take any unnecessary shit either. You're comfortable walking away from relationships that don't work - family, friends, romances - because you know, in your deepest heart, that you're okay by, and with, yourself.

      I'm sorry if this sounds very vague and new-agey-ish. I wish I could put it into better words but it's just a friggin' process. And it wasn't quick for me. But worth every moment to get there? To have that sense of "I'll be okay without you - without anyone"? ABSOLUTELY.

      You will get there too, Jess. No one who introspects like you and is so in touch with her emotions can NOT get there (if that makes sense). Trust yourself. You *will* be happy.

  3. truth....but living it is what people find so hard....
    we grab on to 'liferafts' cause 'alone' is equated with 'lonely' in our culture.....

    sending you love, my kickass amiga....
    xx K

    1. What a joy to see you here, Kerin. I wage the "alone vs. lonely" war myself, these days. I can see immense value in this distinction. It's the learning to unlearn a lifetime of codependence and "infused" self-worth that seem to be such hard lessons. Your words are always such comfort, your presence a strength.

      Love back, woman. xx